how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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