ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
