I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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