he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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