I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
