last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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