I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
