I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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