there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
