When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
