remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
