I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
