We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
