He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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