Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
