operation harelip BJ is a go
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
