He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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