kristin has been a bad kristin
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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