I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
