Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize