U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
