you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
