I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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