im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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