Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
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We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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