is your mom at the bar?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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