Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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