I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
