pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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