I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize