I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
