she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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