Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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