I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
