oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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