things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
