Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
