Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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