There is too much vodka and too much dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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