also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
