Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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