I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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