Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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