My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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