your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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