; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think my vagina is haunted
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
