And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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