dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
