she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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