I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
