I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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