Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
