thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
