Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
