Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
