how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
