I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
