he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
