I want to make a zoo with you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
