if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
