Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
