the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
