We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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