What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
