he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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