I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
