For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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