Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
