you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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