ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
