I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
