Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
